Hope for the New Year
This year I choose hope.
For months, over a year really, I have avoided writing about our struggle with infertility. It's painful to talk about, and while advice is always well-intentioned, it isn't helpful. The only people who really understand what I mean are those who have walked this journey themselves, and most of them don't want to talk about it either. At least not until the journey has come to an end. And I've told myself the same thing: I'll write about it when it's over. When we have a happy ending to share. When I don't risk bursting into tears. When I can attend a baby shower and not be envious of the expecting mother. When I can say, "God is good all the time' and feel it.
For this is an intensely personal struggle, shared with my husband, but still experienced differently. And it would be much easier not to talk about it. And if I do talk about it, I want to choose when and with whom. But I know this is an opportunity to praise God in the midst of my confusion, frustration, anger, and grief. This is an opportunity to praise God in the valley and sing of his faithfulness. To say that he is God even when my heart struggles to understand how this fits into a good plan.
My husband and I only know one other couple struggling with infertility--and it has seriously shaken their faith. One couple. Statistically, one in six couples stuggle to conceive, so this means that there are many who have chosen to remain silent. And I understand why, but I also know what an encouragement it is to know that you're not alone. The stories of women who have walked this journey are such a comfort, but even better sometimes would be to talk with someone who is still in the midst of this, who wonders as I do how the story will end.
We have experienced God's faithfulness in so many ways, and God's Word is full of stories in which he has used waiting to prepare his people for great things he wants to do in their lives. I have poured over these stories and taken encouragement from them. They teach me to find my joy in the Lord. But it doesn't mean that the journey isn't still painful at times. I want to hope, but it's hard when month after month, hope again gives way to disappointment. The hope offered by the world is fragile. So I'm putting my hope in the Lord. I'm waiting and rejoicing in him, for he is our help and our shield (Psalm 33: 20). It's my choice for this hour, this day, this year.
"We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." Psalm 33:20-22.
For months, over a year really, I have avoided writing about our struggle with infertility. It's painful to talk about, and while advice is always well-intentioned, it isn't helpful. The only people who really understand what I mean are those who have walked this journey themselves, and most of them don't want to talk about it either. At least not until the journey has come to an end. And I've told myself the same thing: I'll write about it when it's over. When we have a happy ending to share. When I don't risk bursting into tears. When I can attend a baby shower and not be envious of the expecting mother. When I can say, "God is good all the time' and feel it.
For this is an intensely personal struggle, shared with my husband, but still experienced differently. And it would be much easier not to talk about it. And if I do talk about it, I want to choose when and with whom. But I know this is an opportunity to praise God in the midst of my confusion, frustration, anger, and grief. This is an opportunity to praise God in the valley and sing of his faithfulness. To say that he is God even when my heart struggles to understand how this fits into a good plan.
My husband and I only know one other couple struggling with infertility--and it has seriously shaken their faith. One couple. Statistically, one in six couples stuggle to conceive, so this means that there are many who have chosen to remain silent. And I understand why, but I also know what an encouragement it is to know that you're not alone. The stories of women who have walked this journey are such a comfort, but even better sometimes would be to talk with someone who is still in the midst of this, who wonders as I do how the story will end.
We have experienced God's faithfulness in so many ways, and God's Word is full of stories in which he has used waiting to prepare his people for great things he wants to do in their lives. I have poured over these stories and taken encouragement from them. They teach me to find my joy in the Lord. But it doesn't mean that the journey isn't still painful at times. I want to hope, but it's hard when month after month, hope again gives way to disappointment. The hope offered by the world is fragile. So I'm putting my hope in the Lord. I'm waiting and rejoicing in him, for he is our help and our shield (Psalm 33: 20). It's my choice for this hour, this day, this year.
"We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." Psalm 33:20-22.
Comments
http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html
I'll be keeping you and your husband in my prayers. <3
Thanks for sharing a bit of your story and for the link. I'll be praying for your and your husband too as we all wait upon the Lord.