Reaching Out, Letting Go, Holding On
Through the process of making new friendships and meeting people in the community, God has been teaching me about how to reach out. One month ago I found myself, yet again, in a place where all the faces were unfamiliar. When you find yourself at square one, you realize that there is only one place to start: “Hola. Como estás? Mi nombre es Laura. Como te llamas vos?” Most people find this rather hard in their native language; I don’t think it gets any easier in your second language. But the alternative is, of course, being miserably lonely and missing out on the grand opportunity to get to know some beautiful people that could become best friends. In addition, some individuals are literally dying to hear the good news of Jesus, and if I’m the vessel that God wants to use to share this news, then what a tragedy if I pass up the opportunity because it feels rather uncomfortable!
Thankfully, and as should be expected, God has prepared me for this contact-making and relationship-building work in Corrientes through many previous experiences—many of which have also included a cross-cultural element. Reaching out to people, especially for a first time, does get easier with practice, but I still think that it’s largely a matter of caring about people and showing interest in them. Almost everybody responds positively when you show interest in them; when you’re willing to listen; when you do your best to speak in a language that is obviously a bit difficult at times. And if you’re fortunate, you’ll find an individual who cares about you too; who wants to know who you are and what has motivated you to move to a foreign country; who is willing to listen to your faltering Spanish. And that is where friendship begins: in a sharing of stories between individuals that care enough to reach out to one another.
I could write about a number of such individuals, but three families in particular are becoming quite special to me. First, the family of Sofia, a 15-year-old girl whom I have begun to tutor in English. Although I have the strongest connection with Sofia, the whole family is really so dear—Edit (grandma), Alicia and Gustavo (mom and dad), brother (Marco), and the little baby whose name I can’t remember right now. They work at a kiosk near their apartment building and the family is usually out on the lawn every evening drinking mate. I frequently join them and enjoy conversation. Angel’s family also lives in this apartment complex, and I first met them during the week that the team from the States was here playing volleyball with kids in the park. Angel is a strong Christian believer and very knowledgeable about the Bible. His wife, Sandra, is an elementary teacher and Lupe, his daughter whom I’ve begun to tutor, will be a ninth grader this year. I see them multiple times throughout the week and have conversations about theology, history, culture, language, and parenting adolescents (the latter of which topics I am certainly not an expert, despite the fact that I teach high school kids). Wow, this stretches my vocabulary. Finally, the family that is probably most special to me is one that lives on the 12th floor of my apartment building. When returning home from the park one evening last week, the portero told me that a girl in the building wanted to meet me. Not knowing who this could be and why she wanted to meet me, I nevertheless followed the portero up to the 12th floor, knocked on the door, and was welcomed into the apartment of Fatima’s family. As it turns out, I had met Fatima’s aunt the week before when we showed a movie in a nearby plaza. We had conversed a bit about the fact that Fatima was studying at the English Institute to become a teacher or translator. So this was the connection that led to our acquaintance. Fatima wasn’t even home when I arrived, but I was welcomed by her mom, dad, and younger brother, Daniel. What delightful, generous, well-educated, and interesting people they are! Over mate, we discussed a variety of topics; I felt completely comfortable with them and for some reason, more confident of my Spanish. They invited me to stay for dinner (which we ate at about 11:30, true to Argentine style), initiated me into the Soccer cult here (I am now a River fan), and treated me to Vino tinto. I have a standing invitation at their apartment, which I have already taken advantage of more than once, and I look forward to getting to know this family much better.
One thing that I am learning is that the process of reaching out often involves an element of letting go. I have to let go of my fear of sounding, shall we say, “less than intelligent” when speaking Spanish. I have to let go of my fear that my offer of friendship will be rejected. When trying to understand Argentines, I have to let go of certain culturally based ideas that may affect my judgment. (For example, someone who is consistently late in the U.S. is being inconsiderate, but in Argentina, it is just the opposite.) I have to let go of my “need” to always be working toward some goal or accomplishing some objective (to do) and be content to merely focus on the person and the moment (to be).
What I do not have to let go of are the things that make me uniquely me: my interests, deep desires, and personality. Although I need to become a more relationship-driven person (especially while in Latin America), I will always be a “doer” by nature, a task-oriented, efficiency minded person. While I hope to become better rounded and more flexible in a variety of situations; I will never lose this drive to effectively accomplish objectives, and I think that learning the balance is a very good thing. The other things that I will hang on to are not actually things at all, but people—the people in my life who continue to be vitally important despite the fact that I don’t live next door anymore. At one time, going to the mission field essentially meant saying a final good-bye to everyone in your life. Thank goodness, this is no longer the case! Although it may seem unnecessary to say, making new friends doesn’t mean saying good-bye to old ones. Granted, it is work to sustain a lot of relationships, but it is worth the effort! They don’t say it, but sometimes I think that people at home feel abandoned by me, as if I’m choosing strangers or some adventure over them. That just isn’t the case; I’m only trying to follow hard after God where he leads me.
Reaching out, letting go, hanging on. What life lessons—lessons for life and lessons that will take a lifetime to learn. Lord, make me a more willing student and teach me your ways.
Thankfully, and as should be expected, God has prepared me for this contact-making and relationship-building work in Corrientes through many previous experiences—many of which have also included a cross-cultural element. Reaching out to people, especially for a first time, does get easier with practice, but I still think that it’s largely a matter of caring about people and showing interest in them. Almost everybody responds positively when you show interest in them; when you’re willing to listen; when you do your best to speak in a language that is obviously a bit difficult at times. And if you’re fortunate, you’ll find an individual who cares about you too; who wants to know who you are and what has motivated you to move to a foreign country; who is willing to listen to your faltering Spanish. And that is where friendship begins: in a sharing of stories between individuals that care enough to reach out to one another.
I could write about a number of such individuals, but three families in particular are becoming quite special to me. First, the family of Sofia, a 15-year-old girl whom I have begun to tutor in English. Although I have the strongest connection with Sofia, the whole family is really so dear—Edit (grandma), Alicia and Gustavo (mom and dad), brother (Marco), and the little baby whose name I can’t remember right now. They work at a kiosk near their apartment building and the family is usually out on the lawn every evening drinking mate. I frequently join them and enjoy conversation. Angel’s family also lives in this apartment complex, and I first met them during the week that the team from the States was here playing volleyball with kids in the park. Angel is a strong Christian believer and very knowledgeable about the Bible. His wife, Sandra, is an elementary teacher and Lupe, his daughter whom I’ve begun to tutor, will be a ninth grader this year. I see them multiple times throughout the week and have conversations about theology, history, culture, language, and parenting adolescents (the latter of which topics I am certainly not an expert, despite the fact that I teach high school kids). Wow, this stretches my vocabulary. Finally, the family that is probably most special to me is one that lives on the 12th floor of my apartment building. When returning home from the park one evening last week, the portero told me that a girl in the building wanted to meet me. Not knowing who this could be and why she wanted to meet me, I nevertheless followed the portero up to the 12th floor, knocked on the door, and was welcomed into the apartment of Fatima’s family. As it turns out, I had met Fatima’s aunt the week before when we showed a movie in a nearby plaza. We had conversed a bit about the fact that Fatima was studying at the English Institute to become a teacher or translator. So this was the connection that led to our acquaintance. Fatima wasn’t even home when I arrived, but I was welcomed by her mom, dad, and younger brother, Daniel. What delightful, generous, well-educated, and interesting people they are! Over mate, we discussed a variety of topics; I felt completely comfortable with them and for some reason, more confident of my Spanish. They invited me to stay for dinner (which we ate at about 11:30, true to Argentine style), initiated me into the Soccer cult here (I am now a River fan), and treated me to Vino tinto. I have a standing invitation at their apartment, which I have already taken advantage of more than once, and I look forward to getting to know this family much better.
One thing that I am learning is that the process of reaching out often involves an element of letting go. I have to let go of my fear of sounding, shall we say, “less than intelligent” when speaking Spanish. I have to let go of my fear that my offer of friendship will be rejected. When trying to understand Argentines, I have to let go of certain culturally based ideas that may affect my judgment. (For example, someone who is consistently late in the U.S. is being inconsiderate, but in Argentina, it is just the opposite.) I have to let go of my “need” to always be working toward some goal or accomplishing some objective (to do) and be content to merely focus on the person and the moment (to be).
What I do not have to let go of are the things that make me uniquely me: my interests, deep desires, and personality. Although I need to become a more relationship-driven person (especially while in Latin America), I will always be a “doer” by nature, a task-oriented, efficiency minded person. While I hope to become better rounded and more flexible in a variety of situations; I will never lose this drive to effectively accomplish objectives, and I think that learning the balance is a very good thing. The other things that I will hang on to are not actually things at all, but people—the people in my life who continue to be vitally important despite the fact that I don’t live next door anymore. At one time, going to the mission field essentially meant saying a final good-bye to everyone in your life. Thank goodness, this is no longer the case! Although it may seem unnecessary to say, making new friends doesn’t mean saying good-bye to old ones. Granted, it is work to sustain a lot of relationships, but it is worth the effort! They don’t say it, but sometimes I think that people at home feel abandoned by me, as if I’m choosing strangers or some adventure over them. That just isn’t the case; I’m only trying to follow hard after God where he leads me.
Reaching out, letting go, hanging on. What life lessons—lessons for life and lessons that will take a lifetime to learn. Lord, make me a more willing student and teach me your ways.
With kids in the newly cleaned plazita
Friends on the short term missions team from California in front of new trash baskets
What a group! Kids who came out to play volleyball with us.
Sofia and family
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